Hey, don´t know if anyone read this, but...
It have been awhile since I last update this journal - lots of thing to say, so let´s just start with a quick recap of the last events which I go, since the last update.
The most recent event was a Swap Meeting in a friend´s house (06/03/16) - It was very good to see everyone again and the meeting was very fun.
- Harajuko Walk (26/07/15) - We had to change plans, at first we thought to go walk in a park or something, but due rain we changed to a shopping. While I am very used to wear a outfit in a event, and the one I used was simple and casual, I did find it a bit hard and felt a bit nervous in the shopping at the start, but after the initial shock, it was ok.
- Anime Buzz/Nihon Matsuri (15-16/08/15) - Still one of my favorite events, is often very full of people, but since most of the event area is a open space, this is not much problem (except in the more closed part of the event), except that is hard to find the people you know around, and unlikely in a previous event - where I spend most time walking with a group, lately I mostly walk around, meeting people here and there.
- Spring Meeting (27/09/15) - Great event in amazing place which was bar/coffee with a burlesque theme..
- Halloween Meeting (08/11/15) - Small, but fun meeting, I often use simpler outfits in this ones.
You know... joining and adopting a Japanese fashion changed me a lot, I said this several times by now - but I kind want to explore another aspect: It made me aware, that I want to be around people, I don´t mind even if I don´t speak very much at the moment, often is enough to just be around - events and meetings give me this chance, which I could not get before. I just wish a bit I could get this also outside too....but still, it is better that nothing and I love this events/meetings, I love see my friends again (another thing I kind didn´t had much before), all of this (the boystyle/lolita and other fashion, the events and the people) mean a lot to me.
Anyway, the curious part is - while I wish to be around people, I am not so good at approaching them as I often feel I am bothering them, maybe because I became in a bit too over conscious of myself and others (and their space) as I fear committing a potential mistake and this cause some exaggerated consequence which is not real at all... so is not much easy to me to invite someone to something as might feart x,y or z even if I do knew is all because a silly reason that sometime make me feel a bit lonely.
Despite that, something else I felt change in me, was, well, before all of this, I mostly have no photo of myself and even my clothes where very neutral or muted - but, them, after that meeting where all start, the way I see myself changed a lot - I do now choose more clothes I wish to use really and get used to see myself in photos. Off course, there is also the element of martial arts, something which I have been doing for years and helped me a lot.
Now, I and am saying this a couple last of updates - maybe this time - in the next anime event - I will finally do a cosplay - something which might open new doors to me.
It is strange to say - but I never expect how drawing some fan art, helped me a lot to improve my drawing skill (along with a new tool which I am using - the Clip Paint Studio), I did start with Lafiel of the Banner of the Stars, later moved to Fate Stay Night and now Idolmaster, this ones got most views on Pixiv, more that I ever had so far. Still is a bit frustrating how little to no feedback or comments I get, not just here a but even in other places, so I often fear a bit not knowing what I am really doing. In DA I noticed that while my profile got views, my works not so much, on Behance is even less, but on Pixiv I am getting lots of views and notes (not comments, but still...).
As I said in a previous entry, I did changed from history, where I got a bachelor degree to graphical design. I wasn´t happy with my course, something I kind just noticed after almost five years, even if looking back now, the signal where all there, but finally it hit me, while I was trying to do the work for a potential master´s program (I hope I am using the right term), still I don´t regret much, after all at least my work of conclusion was about Count Cain and I could even talk about lolita fashion... anyway, I did a professional course in graphical design and I am happy with it.
I just worried how I haven´t been able to find a job or freelance or anything... I fear I just lack contacts, but I got no idea where find them, and finding them isn´t easy for me. The lack of feedback also sometime make me feel a bit of that impostor´s syndrome, where my confidence fall a little. Still I am trying to learn new stuff and programs, while filling my behance with some original works and hope for the best, even if sometimes I have not much idea of what should I do.
------------- Open for Commissions and Freelance --------Yup, I might give a try for commissions/freelance, so just send me a message and we can talk.
My rates would be: $25 (half body), $35 (full body) and + $5 to $10 (background).
I can do costume and character design - my main themes are anime, manga, japanese fashion, historical weapons and armor and fantasy. I can also do other graphical design related stuff too (I know Unity, Maya, 3d studio max, sai, photoshop, indesign, corel and illustrator - check my behance profile for this works - www.behance.net/Avantharis ).